Victory in Iraq - Bush officials reports finding stockpiles of illegally removed Iraqi mattress tags.
Baghdad - Confiscating what is possibly the last remnants of Saddam's evil regime, the Fourth Marines Infantry Division has seized control of several Iraqi warehouses containing thousands of mattress tags illegally removed by the former regime. “This is a victory for all American’s in the war against terrorism.”, Commented Vice President Dick Cheney, "The evil regime has perpetrated this cruelty on the Iraqi people for years and there is no doubt this type of activity would have eventually come to US soil.
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- Over The Rhine placed under house arrest
- Air Force One pictures turn out really nice
- Charlie Luken switches to Hennessy.
- U.N. Security Council deploys Charlie Sheen to consume all Syrian chemical weapons