our breathtaking newsletter

Weekly gloriousness sent to your inbox.

Drop your email address here»

Featured Local Event         full calendar»

Saturday, May 26th - 1:00 PM-1:00 PM

Taste of Cincinnati @ Cincinnati

DERF Happy Hour

Keep checking back here to find out where the next DERF Happy Hour will be!

sports News
  • Comments
  • sports home
  • Related Stories
  • Email To Friend

Elin Woods new spokesperson for Jaws of Life

ORLANDO, FL - After an apparent heroic effort in freeing her husband from his car, Elin Woods has been named the new spokesman for the Jaws of Life.  She has been signed to a multi-year deal and will tour the country demonstrating her unique techniques for freeing trapped auto passengers.

“We want to show the public the amazing new technology available for car rescue,” explained Jaws of Life vice president Roland Humphries.  “Not even a fifteen mph crash that occurs yards from your own driveway has to result in a fatality.” 

The company is also planning a non-hydraulic rescue device named after Mrs. Woods called the “Jaws of Elin.”  It is a long-handled blunt object that looks similar to a three wood golf club.  In addition to rescue operations, the device can be used as a disciplinary tool to keep a straying husband in check.  The company may release five wood and driver versions to give consumers more options.  The device is expected to be popular among wives of athletes and celebrities.

A press conference will soon be held in Mrs. Wood’s driveway.  It will also include a photo session featuring Elin wielding rescue tools while dressed in skimpy lingerie and beach wear.  “We feel that having Elin dress in her modeling clothes will promote the idea that anyone can use these devices,” Humphries went on to say.  “Plus, she said she wanted to show off her body to the world since she may begin dating again soon.”

Related Stories