New Pope taking leave of absence to launch new blog at SXSW
VATICAN CITY – Catholic Church officials announced this week that the College of Cardinals has selected Jorge Bergoglio of Argentina as the new Pope. Taking the name Francis, the new Pope stood on the Balcony of St. Peter’s Basilica and greeted the cheering crowd in St. Peter’s Square. He asked for prayers for himself and his new blog and announced he plans to take a couple weeks off for a trip to SXSW to launch his new blog.
Reportedly the Pope has been working on his blog concept for several months and finally decided to take it more seriously. “I planned the trip to SXSW months ago because I had no way of knowing I would be elected Pope. It’s amazing. One minute you’re learning how to optimize your blog for search engines, the next minute you’re the Pope! My blog only gets a couple thousand unique visitors per month now. But we’re expecting a big boost from SXSW. I’m giving away breakfast burritos as part of our launch promotion.”
In a follow up interview Pope Francis winked when explaining he had successfully secured the first stage of venture seed funding from God. “I guess you could say God is my angel investor.“
Several members of the College of Cardinals say the Pope’s blog influenced their vote positively. Cardinal Jose Antonio Cruz was pleased to see it covered such a large variety of topics. “It’s not all Pope stuff. He blogs about food, fitness, music, craft beer, nightlife, you name it. And there’s an email link to send ideas if anybody wants to contribute.”
- Kenwood building deemed eyesore
- Trader Joe’s pledges to stay 74% salmonella free
- BP works to clean oil spill, makes no promises on station restrooms
- Santa’s reindeer replaced with hydrogen fuel cells
- Panera boasts most extensive bread-oriented art collection in U.S.
- Authorities learn Lifelock CEO is imposter