Shares of GM stock recycled as Buick floor mats
DETROIT - After news that shares of GM stock had reached record low value not seen since the Great Depression, executives announced a restructuring plan that will use the stock certificates as floor mats in the new line of Buicks.
Buyers of new Buicks will receive several hundred printed shares of stock bundled together and fashioned into front and rear floor mats. The newly shaped mats will be dyed with subtle color to match the cars finely appointed interior.
“We didn’t want these stock certificates shares to go to waste in a landfill.” explained Buick division spokesman Thomas Ainsworth. “We tried using them as bathroom tissue in the executive bathrooms and aboard the GM private jets, but they’re a little rough for that kind of use.”
The GM ideas team also plan on using the stock for other projects including the installation of a larger than life paper mache sculpture of spokesman Tiger Woods in front of the Buick world headquarters.
- Zanesville Times reports waiting list for local pet obituaries
- Internet eliminates third shift to reduce costs
- Everyone finally files suit against everyone else
- Brian Williams uses teleprompter during family dinners
- New parking revenue will pay for museum honoring great moments in Cincinnati parking history
- Government seeks new healthcare overhaul after debut of KFC Double Down sandwich