Shares of GM stock recycled as Buick floor mats
DETROIT - After news that shares of GM stock had reached record low value not seen since the Great Depression, executives announced a restructuring plan that will use the stock certificates as floor mats in the new line of Buicks.
Buyers of new Buicks will receive several hundred printed shares of stock bundled together and fashioned into front and rear floor mats. The newly shaped mats will be dyed with subtle color to match the cars finely appointed interior.
“We didn’t want these stock certificates shares to go to waste in a landfill.” explained Buick division spokesman Thomas Ainsworth. “We tried using them as bathroom tissue in the executive bathrooms and aboard the GM private jets, but they’re a little rough for that kind of use.”
The GM ideas team also plan on using the stock for other projects including the installation of a larger than life paper mache sculpture of spokesman Tiger Woods in front of the Buick world headquarters.
- Cincinnati hookers offered makeovers by Horseshoe Casino
- Convicted former Enron CEO announces plans to make convicted former Tyco CEO his bitch.
- LOCAL 12 announces upgrade to Precision Gaydar 12 HD
- Halloween tour of Zanesville Pet Cemetery offers extended hours
- Misspelling of 'Libya' in search engines causes traffic spike on porn sites worldwide.
- Rumpke reports record intake of discarded NCAA pool brackets