Struggling retailers welcome holiday shoplifters

CHICAGO, IL - Retailers across the country are reporting a better than expected turnout of holiday shoplifters, dispelling projections of another down season.  This comes as excellent news, as many retailers count on the busy holiday shoplifting season to make their quotas for the entire year.

“I had a feeling things were going to be good right there on the morning of Black Friday,” said Best Buy Vice President Bernard Lewis.  “We had reports from stores around the country of shoplifters lining up outside at midnight just waiting for the doors to open.”

Suppliers were optimistic that the holiday shoplifting season would be solid, and were prepared to keep any and all hard to find items on the shelves for even last minute shoplifters.  “We know that this is a new economy,” said Target marketing manager Toni Swift.  “We have to compete with online fraud, but in the end we hope shoplifters will still  choose retail establishments for their holiday shoplifting needs.”

“I think things are really looking up,” said shoplifter Eric Rolfes.  “Sure, the retail scene isn’t perfect right now, but there is something about the Christmas season that makes you just want to get out there and shoplift.”  Eric went on to say that he has almost everything crossed off of his Christmas shoplifting list, and then scurried off to a waiting car.