Internet eliminates third shift to reduce costs
INTERNET HEADQUARTERS – Representatives of the internet announced this week the worldwide web will close down its lagging 11pm-7am shift as the first of several cost reduction measures.
“Supporting such a massive infrastructure during sleeping hours didn’t make financial sense. Our data shows hardly anyone uses the internet during this time.” Said internet spokesperson, David Powell.
Officials say the plan is to close the internet building each night at 11pm and allow all of the internet workers to go home until the morning. People who try to log on to the internet will see a screen message that says, “Closed for the evening. Please come back at 7am.”
A press release from internet headquarters announced further possible cost reductions including reduced holiday hours and the elimination of lunchtime hours.
- SNOW EMERGENCY: Area girlfriends unable to return stuffed Valentine’s bears to CVS
- WEBN fires Frog mascot
- Former OSU President Gordon Gee kicks off Ohio church festival tour
- Escaped butterflies from Krohn Conservatory terrorize Mt. Adams
- Streetcar crew graduates from Brandery 2014 class while working nearby
- Newport to use green energy from local meth labs to power Ferris Wheel