Government seeks new healthcare overhaul after debut of KFC Double Down sandwich
WASHINGTON, DC - The extensive work put into passing national health care law may now be irrelevant due to KFC’s launch of its double down sandwich. The sandwich features a bacon, cheese, ‘Colonel’s Sauce’, and is surrounded by two fried chicken breasts instead of a bun. KFC boasts that the sandwich is so meaty, there is no room for a bun. Lawmakers claim that the sandwich is so meaty, that new measures need to be taken to ensure the nation’s health and safety.
“We’re going to have to overhaul the entire system,” said Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi. “This sandwich will place a burden on the federal government that can’t be ignored. Obviously, this is a situation that will require a lot of my famous shrieking and back room deals.”
Though leading Republicans fought the health care bill from the beginning, the launch of the new sandwich has caused many to see a need for federally mandated health care. House Minority Leader John Boehner commented, “We may finally have a reason to join forces with Democrats to protect the health of America. This is not a harmless vice like smoking or extensive tanning, this is a crisis.”
Former Vice President Al Gore weighed in on the environmental concerns the sandwich may cause. “The sodium contained in one KFC double down sandwich reduces the salt water level of the planet’s oceans by three to four inches. Having said that, they are extremely tasty and if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go eat an entire sack.”
The new KFC inspired health care plan would triple funding for cardiac care. It also seeks federally mandated defibrillators to be placed in every KFC in the country.
- Touchdown Jesus casket only slightly larger than Gary Coleman's
- Withrow High School installs water balloon detectors
- Delta Airlines hires extra holiday workers to lose luggage
- Open-air mall planned inside Tri-County Mall
- Brent Spence bridge to be replaced by Ludlow built rope swing
- Fake Timex watches more expensive and higher quality than real Timex.