BP asks oil-soaked birds to return oil at authorized reclamation centers
HOUSTON, TX - As clean-up efforts continue, BP has made a request that all oil-soaked birds make their way to reclamation centers so the oil they’ve gathered can be returned. The centers will then process the oil and make it available for distribution.
“It is in the world’s best interest that oil supply remains stable. If that means wringing out a few seagulls in our avian oil reclamation center, then so be it,” said BP spokesman Robert Helford. “It isn’t like the birds are going to use that oil for anything useful.
The oil company considers their request to be beneficial to all parties, and hope that the birds will comply without having to take legal action. “We would like to make it clear that all oil that has leaked into the gulf is property of BP,” said BP CEO Tony Hayward. “These birds are already getting free massages and sponge baths at our expense, they aren’t keeping our oil too.
In an effort to show good faith, BP has decided not to charge the birds for the cost of removing feathers and grime from the oil. The reclaimed oil will be refined and sold at the pump under the names, “Sea Gull Economy,” “Albatross Plus,” and “Hi-Octane Pelican.”
- Drunks vote on new Ohio DUI license plate designs
- WEBN fires Frog mascot
- Boss gets strange looks after telling workers he is in love with them
- Anthony Munoz eats Furniture Fair guy.
- Area vagrants devastated by pet food tainting
- Time Warner Cable works for an entire evening in local home.