Trapped gay coal miner hoped for slower rescue
SAN JOSE, CHILE - As workers completed rescue of the Chilean miners trapped since August, at least one of the workers expressed disappointment that the ordeal had ended. Homosexual miner Tad Guitierez told the rescue workers that life trapped in the mine was “fabulous.”
“I just want everyone to know that things down there were fine,” said Tad in a note. “Sometimes the temperature got hot, but we just took our shirts off. Other times, it got cold, so I encouraged everyone to huddle together tightly wth me in the middle. Then we played some Lady Gaga music and it was more like a packed nightclub than a crisis.”
Despite Tad’s request to delay the rescue, rescuers still extracted the workers. Upon the arrival of the rescue capsule, Tad suggested all the miners ride together naked to reduce the capsule weight.
- Douche bags praise Starbucks price cuts
- Internet eliminates third shift to reduce costs
- Government study states the internet is mostly to blame for the proliferation of web porn.
- Stuck lunar exploration rover calls OnStar
- Ground-breaking Coke innovations continue to rock cola world.
- Gulf oil slick reaches Beach Waterpark