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BP works to clean oil spill, makes no promises on station restrooms

NEW YORK, NY - Oil company British Petroleum has spent over 350 million dollars in efforts to clean up the waters surrounding its broken offshore oil rig, but BP officials still refuse to commit to a cleaning effort for restrooms at BP gas stations.

“I try not to go in, but sometimes I just have to. I have written to the company and the EPA hoping they will do something before more harm is done the local environment.” said Maryanne Lee as she pointed to the ladies room at her local BP.  “Last week, a family of ducks wandered into the bathroom and were tragically coated with bathroom waste material. Dawn Dishwashing Liquid wasn’t strong enough to clean them.” 

World environmental activists have been complaining about the potential toxic restrooms for years.  News footage of several BP restroom sites depict graphic images of various fluids that often seep out toward and coat local wildlife.

“If the company would send some money my way, I’d try to work on getting it clean,” said BP mini-mart manager Tony Schmitt.  “The freshest it ever gets in there is after homeless guys go in to hose themselves down.  I think it would take special government permits to get the cleaning products I’d need to get started doing any real cleaning.”

BP spokesman Harold Pettijohn was reluctant to make any comment about the restroom cleanup crisis.  “I will simply say that our company is focused on doing the best we can on situations where we can have an impact.  Stopping hundreds of thousands of gallons of oil from leaking, and cleaning up the mess it created is one thing. But cleaning up these restrooms is a task that may be too big for any company to undertake.”