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Delta Airlines hires extra holiday workers to lose luggage

CINCINNATI - In a move to satisfy company needs and provide consistent customer service, Delta Airlines has announced plans to hire seasonal workers to help lose luggage.  Delta was concerned that they did not have the necessary manpower available to lose baggage during the busy holiday travel season.

At least three dozen workers will be hired to ensure that Delta continues losing luggage at their usual rate.  “We recognize the added stress of our passengers who travel during the holiday season,” said Delta spokeswoman Doris McKinley.  “Delta would like to assure these passengers that we are doing everything we can to ensure that their luggage will be mishandled and sent off to distant lands just like it is the rest of the year.”

The hirings are expected to make a positive economic impact on the company and region.  Lost luggage stirs economic growth through the subsequent cell phone calls, customer service jobs, and even the cab driver who is hired to finally deliver your lost bag to your house.

Potential workers are already lining up to fill the positions.  “I was thinking about being a department store Santa to make a little money during the holidays, but this is even better,” said applicant Jonathan Pelfrey.  “I might even wear a Santa hat while I’m working.  It should be a festive holiday atmosphere as we’re sending someone’s garment bag to Dayton via Guam.

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