
Featured Local Event full calendar»
Wednesday, April 25th - 6:30 PM-8:30 PM
Wild About Wine @ Cincinnati Zoo & Botanical Garden |

DERF Happy Hour
Keep checking back here to find out where the next DERF Happy Hour will be!
WEBN fireworks entertain 450,000 people, 78.4 billion body lice

CINCINNATI, OH - The crowd for the annual Labor Day weekend WEBN fireworks has been estimated at over 450,000 people. In addition to the entertainment provided to those hundreds of thousands of people, the fireworks were also enjoyed by an estimated 78.4 billion body lice.
“Let me hear the Cincinnati side,” yelled a WEBN DJ as he tried to fire up the crowd during the annual ‘Crowd Wars’. “OK, now let me hear the Kentucky side! OK, now let me hear all the body lice!” And with that mention, a roar sprang forth from an over 78.4 billion strong population of microorganisms which drowned out, and slightly frightened, the many thousands of humans.
It was a festive close to the summer for Cincinnati’s abundant body lice community. “They’ve certainly had themselves a humdinger of a season,” said Dr. Karl Withrow of the Cincinnati Center for Louse and Vermin. “They’ve gotten to enjoy beer and various fried appetizers at Toby Keith’s new restaurant, some great country music shows at Riverbend, and of course, a Cincinnati summer would not be complete for a body louse without a few trips to Kings Island.”
Body lice in Cincinnati are well known throughout the louse community for being well-traveled and fun loving participants in their host’s lives. “They enjoy socializing just like the humans they travel upon,” explained Dr. Withrow. “You can see them at summer church festivals reminiscing and telling the same stories year after year with the same body lice they hung out with in high school. They drink draft beer, curse Mike Brown, talk about how Pete Rose should be in the Hall of Fame and then get together for drinks in the same house they grew up in. It’s the circle of life.”
Jennifer Lopez buys chain of hardware stores.
Taylor Swift sends Kanye West some soon to expire coupons
Taylor Swift convinces Apple to help her disable location services on iPhone
Kardashians practice resting bitch faces in hopes of being on new ten dollar bill
Bunbury festival beer line expected to dissipate by All-Star Game
- Oprah gives away almost entire personal house staff of over 200 illegal immigrant domestic servants.
- Arabic musicians struggle to follow path of Latin pop explosion
- Members of One Direction admit they were the ones booing Justin Beiber
- Grandma Love Hewitt only known fan of CBS\'s Ghost Whisperer
- Gamblers have Shadow Hare at 3-1 odds as mystery witness in Widmer trial
- Distraught citizens cope with loss of Derek Beasley through heartfelt poetry