Janet Jackson’s breasts mourn privately during memorial service
LOS ANGELES - In a humble tribute to the deceased King of Pop, Janet Jackson’s breasts did not make an appearance. Ms. Jackson’s breasts remained unexposed throughout the entire Michael Jackson memorial service.
Since their surprise appearance at the 2004 Super Bowl, Ms. Jackson’s breasts have led a reclusive life protected by several layers of reinforced clothing.
As an added measure of security during the memorial service, the Jackson family security team ensured Justin Timberlake maintained a safe distance from Janet during her performance.
Janet’s breasts issued a statement thanking everyone for their support during this difficult time. They will be spending the next few weeks grieving with LaToya and Tito’s breasts.
- Tom Cruise buys new elevator shoes in preparation for dating again
- Big Bird Flu ravages large bird puppet community.
- Shayne Graham chokes during Dancing with the Stars audition
- NEWS 5 Jack Atherton’s hair escapes from head, mauls Ken Broo’s hair
- Stephen Hawking's voice synthesizer begins search for new voice-disabled astrophysicist
- Charlie Sheen’s former publicist accepts job with Libyan Leader Muammar Gaddafi