"The Situation" to replace Wolf Blitzer
WASHINGTON, DC - In an effort to reach a younger demographic, CNN officials have announced that veteran correspondent Wolf Blitzer will be replaced by MTV’s Jersey Shore cast member “The Situation” on the popular news program, The Situation Room.
“This is gonna be a situation,” said “The Situation” while pumping his fist and lifting his shirt to reveal his abdominal muscles. “I don’t know if America is ready for this situation, but one thing is for sure, it’s gonna be a situation.”
CNN president Jonathan Klein said, “He’s a natural. The fist pumping reminds me of Walter Cronkite’s enthusiasm, and that tan is one hundred percent Brian Williams.” He also said although the new correspondent will usually be shirtless, the show will continue a proud tradition of journalistic integrity.
Wolf Blitzer will continue to be employed by the network and says he is happy with the move. “The Situation told me he will be my wing man when we go out looking for tail. Now that’s gonna be a situation.”
CNN approached several members of the MTV hit Jersey Shore to gauge interest in working for the news network. “We held discussions with Snookie,” explained Klein. “but unfortunately she doesn’t meet the minimum height requirement in our studio. Also her orange skin conflicted too much with the green screens we use to show graphics.”
- Bill Nye agrees God created Cincinnati Beer Week
- Natalie Portman misdiagnosed as pregnant after eating grape
- Oprah to pay everyone's mortgage
- Fast & Furious 6 plot centers around Dom Toretto’s (Vin Diesel) pulse-pounding pursuit of GED
- Heroic Eden Park resident frees captive butterflies from Krohn Conservatory
- Michael Jackson celebrates acquittal with massive sleepover party.