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Jennifer Lopez buys chain of hardware stores.

LOS ANGELES - Considered an unusual move by Hollywood insiders, a spokesperson for Jennifer Lopez recently announced the singer/songwriter/ model/actress/producer/entrepreneur has completed negotiations for the purchase of the highly successful hardware chain, Lowe's.

Lopez Business Manager, Howard Tolokosnsky, says, "We see hardware as the next frontier in celebrity endorsement. Jennifer's reputation as a quality performer will give the consumer confidence when making hardware purchases such as plywood, construction adhesive, drywall, and caulking."

Critics say this brings the concept of shameless mega-celebrity pandering to new and even more useless levels.