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Hugh Hefner and fiancee register for wedding gifts at funeral home

LOS ANGELES, CA - Shortly after announcing their engagement, Hugh Hefner and his new fiancee Crystal Harris opened a wedding gift registry at Westwood Park funeral home. The registry is one of several they’ve opened along with Linens and Things, Target, and Pfizer pharmaceuticals, the maker of Viagra.


The 84 year old Hefner and his 24 year old bride-to-be spent an entire afternoon perusing the funeral home for items to put on the registry. A good deal of that time was reportedly passed by Mr. Hefner attempting to get up and down from sitting in chairs.


Items on the registry include a casket, flower arrangements, and hearse rental. Gift givers can also buy half hour increments of time that would go toward a mortician and actual funeral services. In lieu of flowers, guests can also opt for a donation to one of Hefner’s favorite charities, Feed the Children’s Older Blonde Big Breasted Sisters.


“I want our wedding to be about both of us,” said the future Mrs. Hefner. “So we’re sharing duties. It was my idea to register for all the items he’ll need for his upcoming funeral, and it was his idea to listen to me and help pick stuff out.”