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Miley Cyrus practices Oscar appearance by shooting heroin

LOS ANGELES, CA - Like so many young entertainers, Miley Cyrus hopes to one day score big in the world of cinema by winning an Oscar. Cyrus has been preparing for this moment, practicing her Oscar appearance by shooting heroin.

Reports are that Miley has been practicing for the Oscars for many years, but the practice sessions increased following her appearance at the MTV European Music Awards where she lit up a marijuana cigarette on stage. The occasion has had the unintended consequence of building favor towards Americans from Europe. “Watching this young lady’s antics have made us sad,” said French Foreign Minister Henri Aschoit. “It makes us want to reach out to America and let them know that we understand they must obviously be going through a horrible time. Dealing with a tragedy like Miley Cyrus is a time for all the world to let America know we are there to help, and understand their pain.”

Miley began practicing for her Oscar appearance at a young age, according to her father Billy Ray. “I don’t want to take all the credit,” said Billy Ray Cyrus. “But, like most of her success, my extraordinary talent had a hand in helping. I remember she used to look in the mirror and hold a hairbrush like it was a microphone. She’d thank the Academy, and God, and her father. Then I said, ‘Hey kiddo...why not shoot some junk in your arm at the same time!’ Of course she did what I said. Then I just sat back and waited for them boobs to pop out so we could make some dough.”

One factor that may prevent this Oscar appearance from happening is the reluctance of major studios to find a role for Miley to appear in. This fact does not seem to deter Miley’s publicity team’s hope that it will happen. “We’ll sneak her on stage if we have to,” said PR manager Michael Woods. “She has a weed connection with some of the valet parkers, and another two or three guys who work security at the auditorium. If nothing else, we’ll dress her in a bear costume. No one will see it coming.”