STUDY RELEASED: 100% of U.S. new year’s resolutions broken by mid-January.

WASHINGTON, D.C. - Early reports indicate New Year’s resolutions across the country were broken in record time this year. A government study indicates countless resolutions have been broken by virtually every U.S. resident. 

Details of the report indicate not a single person in the U.S. has maintained an exercise routine.  Although many people have started exercise routines, all of them were broken within two weeks.  Also, all household budgets were exceeded, men watched more sports than the same timeframe a year ago, and all smokers relapsed by last week.  Alcohol consumtion is on a massive increase.  Diets have been comletely fogotten about. 

Coordinators of the study say the reasons for this immense societal failure of the new year's resolution tradition are unknown.  "It's possible that people justreally dont give a shit any more." said Robert Tekulve who is part of the study panel.  "But until we know more we can't really go around saying we think people don't give a shit.  It sounds unprofessional even though I asked a couple dozen people so far and they all said they just don't give a shit."

The study is currently being used to poject new year's resolution patterns for 2013.  Projections show people may give even less of a shit than currently.  One projection model shows the level of giving a shit decreasing by up to 50%.