New Pope's Things To Do List
1. Take a nap.
2. Send thank you card to Campaign
3. Visit BMV and get Popemobile
registered to Joe Ratzinger.
4. Place order for official Pope hat.
5. Vow to crush Islam
6. Develop own line of Potpourri
7. Quickly look up definition of the word
8. Fire several Cardinals to establish
9. See about getting Onstar on
10. Consider Mark Burnett's offer for Pope
- Tragic mixup - Area woman asks for Botox but receives buttocks
- America slow to embrace tear gas bucket challenge to benefit Ferguson Missouri
- Marchers in Secretly Gay Parade disappointed that everyone knows they're gay now.
- Introducing the award-winning Derf Happy Hour Doorman, Scooter Wellington
- Children get Santa's attention with Powerpoint
- Area woman announces plans for all that junk, all that junk inside her trunk.