New Pope's Things To Do List
1. Take a nap.
2. Send thank you card to Campaign
3. Visit BMV and get Popemobile
registered to Joe Ratzinger.
4. Place order for official Pope hat.
5. Vow to crush Islam
6. Develop own line of Potpourri
7. Quickly look up definition of the word
8. Fire several Cardinals to establish
9. See about getting Onstar on
10. Consider Mark Burnett's offer for Pope
- Red Cross worker wishes tornado victims would quit whining
- Corpse found wrapped in KEEP AMERICA BEAUTIFUL banner
- Detroit looters inconvenienced by power outage.
- Cincinnati public schools report math scores lower by like around 10% which is more or less about the same as around 10 out of every 100 or so.
- Man proud to be the guy who hands you a paper towel in the nightclub bathroom so you don't have to go to all the trouble of getting one from the dispenser yourself.
- Local family plans annual Christmas tree hunting trip to Drug Emporium.