New Pope's Things To Do List
1. Take a nap.
2. Send thank you card to Campaign
3. Visit BMV and get Popemobile
registered to Joe Ratzinger.
4. Place order for official Pope hat.
5. Vow to crush Islam
6. Develop own line of Potpourri
7. Quickly look up definition of the word
8. Fire several Cardinals to establish
9. See about getting Onstar on
10. Consider Mark Burnett's offer for Pope
- Tragedy - Randy Beattie of Kiwanis International Misplaces I.D. Badge
- Eastgate finger population drops 20% during 4th of July celebrations
- Man removes own appendix to avoid losing place in airport security line.
- Few equatorial nations offer relief funds for Cincinnati heat emergency
- Public copes with epidemic of news stories about heroin epidemic
- Subtitled movie thoughtlessly shown during illiteracy conference.