New Pope's Things To Do List
1. Take a nap.
2. Send thank you card to Campaign
3. Visit BMV and get Popemobile
registered to Joe Ratzinger.
4. Place order for official Pope hat.
5. Vow to crush Islam
6. Develop own line of Potpourri
7. Quickly look up definition of the word
8. Fire several Cardinals to establish
9. See about getting Onstar on
10. Consider Mark Burnett's offer for Pope
- Ohio's oldest alter boy, age 57, regrets trying to seduce 22 year-old Priest
- Americans struggle with rising staycation costs
- Area slut still feeling glow of Halloween self-esteem boost
- Billions of Cicadas burrow eastward to avoid making debut on west side.
- Short distance relationships not working for local man
- Man removes own appendix to avoid losing place in airport security line.