New Pope's Things To Do List
1. Take a nap.
2. Send thank you card to Campaign
3. Visit BMV and get Popemobile
registered to Joe Ratzinger.
4. Place order for official Pope hat.
5. Vow to crush Islam
6. Develop own line of Potpourri
7. Quickly look up definition of the word
8. Fire several Cardinals to establish
9. See about getting Onstar on
10. Consider Mark Burnett's offer for Pope
- Cincinnati Enquirer devotes new section to heroin news
- Gay couples prepare for marital equality: Life sentence of dispassionate boredom
- Expiring gym membership relieves sedentary woman’s guilt
- Woman pretends to be offended by date’s over-willingness to divulge impressive income level
- Mexican brothels now safer than pig farms
- Billions of Cicadas burrow eastward to avoid making debut on west side.