New Pope's Things To Do List
1. Take a nap.
2. Send thank you card to Campaign
3. Visit BMV and get Popemobile
registered to Joe Ratzinger.
4. Place order for official Pope hat.
5. Vow to crush Islam
6. Develop own line of Potpourri
7. Quickly look up definition of the word
8. Fire several Cardinals to establish
9. See about getting Onstar on
10. Consider Mark Burnett's offer for Pope
- Tragedy - Randy Beattie of Kiwanis International Misplaces I.D. Badge
- Drunk residents of Brookstone apartments report Virgin Mary apparition in that electrical thing across the street.
- Man postpones alcohol rehab until end of Party in the Park season.
- Gang tags mistaken for streetcar markings
- COMMUNITY: Volunteers build meth lab wheel chair ramp
- Men begin faking illness in anticipation of new Twilight movie