EPA REPORT: Ohio River tests positive for water
CINCINNATI, OH - After a surge of industrial toxins originating in West Virgina travelled along the Ohio river, The Environmental Protection Agency released encouraging test results this week indicating the Ohio River is once again showing trace levels of water.
Sources say the dilution of the West Vriginia toxins was aided by plentiful pre-existing river pollutants including raw sewage, bacteria, pesticides, atrazine, benzene, mercury, phosphorous, and ethanol. EPA officials say the river environment should be able to adapt to the trace levels of water without disrupting the delicate balance of river contaminants.
Officials say the river should return to it's most healthy state during the summer when careless recreational boaters begin spilling beer into the river.
- Possum booth draws crowds at N. Kentucky's Oktoberfest
- Amazon.com ironically not catching on amongst people of the Amazon.
- Local family plans annual Christmas tree hunting trip to Drug Emporium.
- Subtitled movie thoughtlessly shown during illiteracy conference.
- Local high school dropouts planning 10 year reunion of dropping out.
- Local man sets record low in charity date auction