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EPA REPORT: Ohio River tests positive for water

CINCINNATI, OH - After a surge of industrial toxins originating in West Virgina travelled along the Ohio river, The Environmental Protection Agency released encouraging test results this week indicating the Ohio River is once again showing trace levels of water.

Sources say the dilution of the West Vriginia toxins was aided by plentiful pre-existing river pollutants including raw sewage, bacteria, pesticides, atrazine, benzene, mercury, phosphorous, and ethanol.  EPA officials say the river environment should be able to adapt to the trace levels of water without disrupting the delicate balance of river contaminants.

Officials say the river should return to it's most healthy state during the summer when careless recreational boaters begin spilling beer into the river.