Ohio River tests positive for water.

CINCINNATI - The Environmental Protection Agency released surprising test results this week indicating the Ohio River contains trace levels of water dispersed amongst plentiful river pollutants including raw sewage, bacteria, pesticides, atrazine, benzene, mercury, phosphorous, and ethanol.  Alarmed EPA officials are concerned the microscopic water presence may disrupt the delicate balance of river contaminants.  Although the source of the water is undetermined, scientists believe the water may have come from careless recreational boaters who accidentally spilled small amounts of beer into the river during a weekend boating trip.