EPA REPORT: Ohio River tests positive for water
CINCINNATI, OH - After a surge of industrial toxins originating in West Virgina travelled along the Ohio river, The Environmental Protection Agency released encouraging test results this week indicating the Ohio River is once again showing trace levels of water.
Sources say the dilution of the West Vriginia toxins was aided by plentiful pre-existing river pollutants including raw sewage, bacteria, pesticides, atrazine, benzene, mercury, phosphorous, and ethanol. EPA officials say the river environment should be able to adapt to the trace levels of water without disrupting the delicate balance of river contaminants.
Officials say the river should return to it's most healthy state during the summer when careless recreational boaters begin spilling beer into the river.
- Image of toaster appears on Virgin Mary painting
- Ham radio hobbyist depressed to learn his lifelong radio friend in Norway really lives in Norwood.
- Escaped circus monkey revealed to be former News 5 Anchor Jack Atherton
- Tsunami epicenter discovered inside Donald Trump's combover.
- Prince Charles begs media to publish his nude photos
- UPLIFTING COMMUNITY MOMENT: Back of the house employees allowed to meet front of the house employees at upscale restaurant