Derf writers agree only the most maladjusted, immature, and dysfunctional people will enjoy this article
Tempers flared this week as a team of several hundred Derf writers gathered this in the main auditorium at Derf headquarters to decide which articles will be included in this month’s issue. This particular article was quickly singled out as the worst article ever written at Derf. Several writers stated emphatically it will draw attention only from unattractive and pathetic personalities. Chief Derf Editor, Halston Fairview, agreed this is a terrible article but reminded the staff that Derf has built it's reputation on being completely irrelevant. He reinforced how Derf's consistent lack of quality provides comfort to Derf fans during this era of overemphasis on value. Fairview said, “We must always remember that Derf is a website about nothing. Introducing even slightly useful content would risk our relationship with Derf fans all over Cincinnati who count on us every single month to deliver nothing." Following Fairview's powerful comments, most of the Derf writers felt a transforming and profound inspiration to help maintain Derf's leadership in the niche of irrelevant content by continuing to produce an endless string of pointless articles similar to this one.
- Two weeks later, holiday fruit bouquet still hilarious
- Men begin faking illness in anticipation of new Twilight movie
- Ham radio hobbyist depressed to learn his lifelong radio friend in Norway really lives in Norwood.
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- Drunk residents of Brookstone apartments report Virgin Mary apparition in that electrical thing across the street.
- Cincinnati public schools report math scores lower by like around 10% which is more or less about the same as around 10 out of every 100 or so.