Marchers in Secretly Gay Parade disappointed that everyone knows they're gay now.
NORTHSIDE - Organizers of the area's first Secretly Gay Parade recently failed in their promise to ensure no one would find out the thousands of parade marchers were gay. Gay marcher Michael Santos, who carried a large sign that said I'm secretly gay and proud, commented angrily to reporters, "I was promised complete anonymity but now everyone knows I'm gay." Disappointed marcher Peter Winchell who was unaware the event was televised said, "I have protected my gay secret for so long and now just because of one silly Secretly Gay Parade my cover is totally blown." Organizer Steven Rogers said, "We regret any pain this has caused all of the participants who were secretly gay. We certainly plan to offer all of these people assistance in making a successful transition to being secretly gay again."
- Area hipster loses track of which clothing items are ironic
- Three apartment units reported missing at the Octagon Apartment building.
- Area woman announces plans for all that junk, all that junk inside her trunk.
- Introducing the award-winning Derf Happy Hour Doorman, Scooter Wellington
- Oakley man marries Golden Tee video game.
- American workers look forward to 'Take Your Codependent to Work Day'