EDITORIAL: When a friend asks me to watch their drink in the bar I really watch it.
By Slade Dandridge, DERF Editorial Columnist
We've all been asked at one time or another to watch a friend's drink in the bar when they have to step away from the table momentarily. I've noticed in this situation most people don't really watch the drink. They sit near it without ever actually looking at it. I consider to be unacceptable. The difference between me and most people is I apply 100% of my concentration and focus on staring directly at that drink. While my friend is away I do not remove my eyes from the drink for even a second. Among my group of friends this is one of the things I am known for. I think it is safe to say this is my best trait.
As word of my dependability in this area gets out to the community I expect many more people will ask me to watch their drink. For the record I would like everyone to know they can feel comfortable asking me because I enjoy using this natural talent and I will do it gladly no matter who asks. I will stare intently at your drink as if my life depended on it. You won't believe how dedicated I will be. My dedication to watching your drink will cause us to form a powerful and lasting bond. It will be the kind of bond usually achieved only between people who depend on each other like police officers and soldiers.
So go ahead. Ask me to watch your drink sometime soon. I promise to watch your drink but if I receive a large volume of requests there may be a slight backlog.
Under no circumstances will I ever agree to watch two or more drinks at the same time. This isn’t fair to the people who need their drinks watched. Not only is watching two drinks at the same time unethical, it is also impossible because technically I would have to move my gaze back and forth between each drink thus leaving each drink temporarily unwatched. I will never do that.
- Detroit looters inconvenienced by power outage.
- Irish Americans argue DUI laws culturally biased
- Man proud to be the guy who hands you a paper towel in the nightclub bathroom so you don't have to go to all the trouble of getting one from the dispenser yourself.
- Children get Santa's attention with Powerpoint
- Introducing the award-winning Derf Happy Hour Doorman, Scooter Wellington.
- Cincinnati Public School student showed up this week.