Cincinnati Zoo objects to neighboring 'Festival of Crack Pipes'
NORTH AVONDALE - The Cincinnati Zoo attempted this week to prevent the nearby North Avondale neighborhood from holding its annual Festival of Crack Pipes. Zoo officials say the brilliant glow and distinct aroma from the Festival of Crack Pipes will obscure the Zoo's annual Festival of Lights celebration.
Zoo officials also expressed concern about the welfare of the animals during the Festival of Crack Pipes. In previous years when heavy crack fumes wafted over the zoo walls, many of the zoo animals reportedly developed a crack addiction. Zoo medical records indicate a large number of animals were admitted to a local treatment center specializing in animal crack dependency.
City officials plan to meet at a local crack house today with representatives of the zoo and the neighborhood in hopes of reaching a compromise. Representatives say these two long-standing traditions can co-exist peacefully.
North Avondale resident Mark Paulsen said, "Crack is the lifeblood of our neighborhood. We celebrate our great crack tradition by holding our wondrous glowing pipes up to the sky and rejoicing. Last year the intense glow of so many crack pipes actually overloaded the Google Earth servers."
During an introductory viewing this year, members of the media were permitted to tour the Festival of Crack Pipes center stage which features a manger scene in which three wise crack dealers bring gifts of crack, guns, and cash.
- Marchers in Secretly Gay Parade disappointed that everyone knows they're gay now.
- Subtitled movie thoughtlessly shown during illiteracy conference.
- God Appeared at Crossroads Community Church hoping it was still a hardware store.
- Larger ‘World's Largest Office Party' discovered in China
- All-Corian® house soon to be unveiled in Suburbs.
- Dyslexic man performs Heimlich Maneuver backwards.