The DERF Top 10 Worst List of 2009
- Flomax commercials – Pharmaceutical commercials in general are out of control. We tolerate commercials about mucous, foot fungus, and mental problems that don’t really exist like social anxiety disorder. We’re guessing showing old men running to the bathroom just causes people to change the channel.
- Kanye West – We always knew Kanye was an idiot. Luckily, now everyone else knows too. The truth always comes when the fame to IQ ratio is too high. Tom Cruise proved this theory a while ago.
- TV shows and movies about vampires – Enough already. Not interesting. People started writing about vampires a few hundred years ago. It has seriously run its course. Making them all look like male models doesn’t make them more interesting. How about some original writing.
- Driving on steel plates – Thanks to road repair funds provided by the brilliant government stimulus package, we get to take detours all day and drive on noisy steel plates.
- Delta Airlines – Thanks to Delta, CVG is the most expensive airport in the country for the zillionth year in a row. Something like 600% above the national average. Wha?
- Millions of losers who borrowed mortgages they couldn’t afford - Way to get greedy and wreak havoc on our economy. Also, hats off to the greedy bank bastards who loaned you the money and then asked the government for a bail out. You should be in jail with Bernie Madoff.
- Using social networking to grow your social networks - “Hey if you like my clever Tweets, join my LinkedIn page to hear about my breathtaking career and friend me on Facebook so we can connect more organically.” Dude, stop it.
- eHarmony commercials – Thanks for forcing the 29 dimensions of compatibility down our throat every time we turn the TV on. Seriously, people married 50 years have 2 or 3 dimensions of compatibility, tops! Also, who actually believes the paid models in the commercials telling their romantic stories about how they met on eHarmony? We’d be more interested to hear about how they broke up on Facebook.
- Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag – We’d rather watch pharmaceutical commercials than these two. Her premature plastic surgery is sad. His smarmy, self-important personality is revolting. The combination of the two is unwatchable.
- Farmville – Sooo, it was fun for a while but we’re done now right? Let’s put it away then kids. It’s clogging up our Facebook pages.
Two additional DERF bonus items:
- Sushi – Can use say “sushi saturation”? Enough already. What’s next, sushi in Starbucks? We’re over this trend of a sushi restaurant on every corner. And what’s with every sushi place offering half price sushi pretty much every day. News flash to sushi restaurateurs: Half price is your permanent price now. Enough with the half-price sidewalk signs everywhere.
- Flannel – Don’t kid yourself into thinking this is a real trend. You’re still a douche if you wear flannel. Just because The Gap threw together some commercials about flannel doesn’t mean flannel is in. Remember this: If you trust The Gap for fashion guidance, you’re on the express train to Douchville.
- Area slut still feeling glow of Halloween self-esteem boost
- Local high school dropouts planning 10 year reunion of dropping out.
- Introducing the award-winning Derf Happy Hour Doorman, Scooter Wellington.
- OTR residents scoff at unhip Hyde Park flasher
- Jiffy Lube expands car consultation to include comprehensive life coaching
- If I were a woman back in the old cowboy days I think I would have been a pretty good hooker.