Ribbon conservation leading concern among Americans
WASHINGTON, DC – The U.N. Committee for Natural Resource Conservation reported this week the world’s ribbon supplies are dwindling. Americans have taken notice and are finding ways to increase general ribbon awareness. (see http://www.facebook.com/#!/group.php?gid=53982708642&ref=ts)
Experts attribute the ribbon shortages to many factors. Harvard Professor of Craft and Accent Sciences, Dr. David Gumm, claims the environment is one key cause. “Industrialization of has resulted in a frightening shrinkage of the polar ribbon caps.” said Dr. Gumm.
At a recent Save the Ribbon rally at Georgetown University, hundreds of student activists gathered to do their part. “Did you know that every minute, another ribbon disappears?” asked Bethany Rogers while addressing the crowd. “In the U.S alone, thousands disappear every day. I’m appalled by the rapid deterioration of the world’s ribbon infrastructure.” She then began weeping and shouted into the microphone, “I will not bring children into a ribbonless world!”
Recent movies have helped shine light upon the ribbon crisis. At this year’s Academy Awards, one of the nominees for Best Drama was a film entitled, “Blood Ribbons” which chronicled the African ribbon mines which have been controlled by various corrupt governments, war lords, and paramilitary groups for centuries using force and slave labor.
Many celebrities are getting involved in the ribbon cause, including cyclist Lance Armstong. “I understand this crisis better than most. We had this same problem with yellow rubber wristbands so we started substituting yellow ribbons but now that ribbons are running out we might use pieces of Post-It Notes.”
Also lending his time to the effort is entertainer Tony Orlando, "I think I might have triggered this whole problem in the 70's with my hit song 'Tie a Yellow Ribbon Round The Old Oak Tree.' ”
Many formerly ribbon dependent charitable organizations are now recognizing the world ribbon crisis. The Susan G. Komen foundation has announced plans to start another foundation dedicated to restoring the world’s ribbon reserves.
Readers are encouraged to lean more by joining the Ribbon Awareness Facebook group: http://www.facebook.com/#!/group.php?gid=53982708642&ref=ts
- Red Cross worker wishes tornado victims would quit whining
- REPORT: Taste of Cincinnati hillbilly corn consumption scars area children
- SNOW STORM WRATH: Madeira High School Spaghetti Dinner cancelled
- Area slut still feeling glow of Halloween self-esteem boost
- Marchers in Secretly Gay Parade disappointed that everyone knows they're gay now.
- Prince Charles begs media to publish his nude photos