Touchdown Jesus cremation costs to be minimal

MONROE, OH - Officials have called off plans for a fundraiser to cover Touchdown Jesus’ cremation costs after finding out that the final expense would be extremely low.

There were plans in place to raise money for the cremation by raffling off some of Touchdown Jesus’ personal items, including his beard trimmer and collection of striped referee shirts.

Funeral home officials say that little money or effort was needed for the cremation due to what they describe as, “A really good head start.”

William Purser of the Solid Rock Church was pleased to find out that the costs will be so low, “We’ll be able to pay for this using only change from the pond out front.  Well, after we sift through all those dead fish.”