By Matt Mitchell, DERF Music Columinist

A little forewarning, this column is not based upon to that generic, kid friendly, money pit at Great American Ballpark Build-A-Bear Workshop.  After spending time in Chicago during Lolllapalooza, yours truly has an itch.  No not the kind you get after a long night at Million’s.  No, the itch I am referring to you cannot scratch.  If you do have an itch from a long night at Million’s don’t scratch that either, it only gets worse.  I am reeling off the 3 days of amazing bands, spanning numerous genres, and the imaginative people who attended.  This made me wonder, if I could build a festival right here in Queen City, who would I invite? 

One key in any successful festival is local representation.  This is a great way for everyone to see what type of music shapes the personality of its residents.  Local products Over the Rhine really encompass the cities’ persona.  Linford Detweiler and Karin Bergquist make up the duo whose name is derived from one of the cities most vibrant neighborhoods.  Plus, they have had all kinds of success both locally and nationally.  Another local band that has a great sound that I would love to have at this festival is The Buffalo Killers.  Step aside PETA, it’s not a literal name.  The Gabbarad brothers along with Joseph Sabaali form a trio that makes some of the best garage rock around.

Of course not all the local representation has to be bands that have already had some success.  Naturally every festival has side stages which feature usigned local talent acts, and some that aren’t so talented.  By instilling local acts, area bands can really get their name out there and become the next Backstreet Boys or Cheetah Girls.  Wait, let me rephrase that, it’s a great way for local acts to get signed to labels. 

Another key to a thriving festival are emerging artists.  Emerging artists not only bring in many music snobs, but also the music media.  Whether it be Pitchfork, Rolling Stone, or DERF, “the next big thing,” always brings an entourage.  In earlier columns I have mentioned The National as a band that is really making a splash.  And as icing on the cake, The National has local ties to Cincinnati, therefore truly making this a local festival.  Expanding our boundaries, to the tourist destination of Akron, The Black Keys would make an excellent fit to the festival for many reasons.  One, it will get them out of Akron which is always a good thing.  Second, they are truly a band on the rise after a great set at Lollapalooza and critical acclaim off of their most recent release.  Also, The Black Keys have a garage sound that mixes very well previously mentioned Buffalo Killers.  With this much garage rock, maybe you can get your dad to dust off that Trans Am and take you to the rock show… I’m talking to you Elder High graduates.  All this rock n roll is alienating fans of other types of music.  Sorry Florence residents, no country allowed here.  I’m thinking of someone who can bring everyone to dance and party all night long with merely a computer and a few lewd acts.  I know what you’re thinking, “I thought Michael Jackson was out of the country.”  Well, the king of pop is gone and he is officially barred from entering.  I am speaking of one Greg Gillis or better known by his stage name of Girl Talk.  The Pittsburgh native is known for his extremely catchy “songs” which are created by sampling numerous other popular songs.  Sounds like you latest Kanye West album right?  Well, give Girl Talk  a listen, may I recommend his latest album “Night Ripper” which samples the likes of Three Six Mafia, to Britney Spears, to Kansas.  Of course Mr. Gillis is also known for removing articles of clothing during his sets, so this will have to be late at night after the kids have all left.  Then again, maybe you weren’t too far off thinking of Michael Jackson earlier.

Now that we have a preliminary lineup, with all acts being local, or at least from states that border the Great Lakes, there is only one thing to figure out.  How many bad jokes are all these out of towners going to make about a Skyline Three Way?