Let me start with a disclaimer to those out there who believe in calling French fries “freedom fries.” I am no terrorist or evil doer or freedom hater. The title you see above merely reflects a scorecard regarding the popular musical trends of the UK and the US; so get off that dial with Bill Cunningham, Rush, Hannity or whoever else. With that out of the way, we can divulge into the reasoning behind the vague title of this column. Although they still have a Queen, and a deficient dental reputation amongst civilized countries, the Brits have our number when it comes to good music. It is nothing to be upset or ashamed about; in fact this should be used as a motivational tool. How did I come up with this unfavorable scorecard? By comparing current musical stars in similar genres from the pair of allies, and declaring a winner. Yeah I know, pretty deep huh? With that being said…Let’s Get Ready to Rumble!! Thank you, Michael Buffer.

Pop Music: Britney Spears/Christina Aguilera (USA) vs. Amy Winehouse/Lily Allen (UK):

Let’s start with what all the kids are talking about theses days, 13 year old kids that is. I got to tell you, we don’t start off real hot. Britney Spears is perhaps these worst human being on the planet, the only thing I enjoyed watching was her monumental breakdown. Christina does do a decent job of bringing up there rear (yeah I meant what I said). She can sing, and she ditched that whole “dirty” act and proved she does have some talent. However, the Brits really put it on us in this genre. Winehouse and Allen form a hyper drugged up super pair here. Amy brings soul/jazz/pop to the table unlike no one else. Her first single “Rehab” is about her reluctance to receive help with her numerous addictions. Her teammate in this challenge is no saint herself. Born an heiress Ms. Allen got started partying at a very young age. Her smash singles “Smile” “LDN” and “Alfie” led her to the top of the UK charts. When asked how she celebrated, the lovely Allen said “on a cocaine binge.” At least she’s honest. You may be asking yourself, where’s Jessica Simpson? My answer is who really cares? I mean we are in Cincinnati, I am fairly confident everyone here is on “Team Nick.” I cannot believe I just said that. UK 1 US 0

Rap/Hip Hop: Jay-Z/Kanye West (USA) vs. The Streets/Lady Sovereign (UK):

This really is not much of a contest. The best rapper alive in Jay Z plus an ultra cool college dropout who rhymes about having his jaw wired and gold diggers in Kanye. Now I am as big of Mike Skinner fan (The Streets) as there is, I mean writing a song about how a female knows she is attractive could not be much funnier. However, his teammate here is well a tiny, self admitted slob whose voice can sometimes sound like nails on a chalk board. While her rhymes are hilarious there just is not enough substance here. Oh yeah did I mention Jay Z dates Beyonce’? That’s worth an extra point. UK 1 US 2

Rock n Roll: Hinder/The Fray (USA) vs. Arctic Monkeys/Kaiser Chiefs (UK):

Merely writing America’s representation gave me an awful case of acid reflux. The only thing that could have made this worse is if we could have included Canada’s Nickelback. Look, this is the most glaring difference in popular music culture between our two lovely countries. We in Uncle Sam’s country for some reason find ballads and toting a fine line between adult contemporary and soft core porn music enthralling. For some reason any band now that sounds remotely similar to Creed goes platinum, which in case you didn’t notice Creed’s sound isn’t exactly complex. At this point you may be asking, “Why didn’t you add bands like The White Stripes, The Raconteurs, Interpol, The Killers, etc?” Believe me, I of all people would have liked to, but check the record sales, the public has spoken, and well, it’s down right scary. So, I will be lenient here and only give all the Queen’s men one point due to America’s depth in rock. UK2 US2

Final Score: UK 2, US 1

At this point I bet you are wondering what happened to America’s second point in this test of fortitude. While there are a number of genres I would have like to included (punk/electronica/jazz/folk/jam etc. I had to stick to the most popular. But there is one glaring omission as I am sure our readers in Kentucky noticed country music. And since I swore to myself that I would rather listen to former Creed lead singer Scott Stapp than write about country music, I deducted a point from America. I know that there are some good country acts out there like The Watson Twins, and many others. However Toby Keith is a country “superstar” and that is guilt by association. I just hope he doesn’t put a “boot in my ass” for writing this.

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