Congress removes evidence of Cinco De Mayo party before immigration bill debate
WASHINGTON, DC - With debate set to begin on the immigration bill, members of Congress have been furiously working behind the scenes to clean up all evidence of their recent Cinco De Mayo party.
“Nothing to see here,” said Congressman Ralph Strickmeyer of Georgia as he removed a large sombrero from his head. “The American people need to know that we are here at the Capital working hard for their best interests.” Strickmeyer then walked away from reporters, leaving a trail of lime juice and margarita salt with each step.
Congress has been tasked with retooling immigration legislation and the debate has raged on for years. While discussing the benefits of hispanic culture on the United States, several members of Congress brought in visual aides, which included several cases of tequila, tortilla chips, salsa, and an entire truckload of Corona. Debate was quickly paused, and a weekend long celebration began on the House floor. C-SPAN cameras were immediately blocked and covered with with colorful rugs and the lenses smeared with guacamole.
Congressional staffers have been the ones who have had to bear the brunt of the cleanup efforts. “I have no idea how things got this bad,” said Sen. Rand Paul’s junior aide Wyatt Thompson. “This is one of the most disgusting post party messes I have ever seen...and I went to college at Ohio University. At least it’s not as bad as the Cinco De Mayo party a few years ago. I have no idea what Jean Schmidt and that burro were up to, but we needed a fire hose to clean it up.”
- John Edwards impregnates juror numbers 2, 5, 6, 9, and 11
- Donald Trump pledges his administration will avenge death of Jon Snow
- U.S. Unemployment office lays off 6,000 workers
- David Patraeus calls ‘Call of Duty’ military sex scandal module very realistic
- BP officials encourage oil-soaked birds to smile once in a while
- Somali pirates escape disguised as Long John Silvers workers