Capital of Zimbabwe unaware it had sister city
HARARE, ZIMBABWE - Mayor Mark Mallory last week suspended Cincinnati's sister city relationship with Zimbabwe's capital, Harare - in protest against the murders, torture, rapes, and destruction of homes that preceded the recent election. Mallory notified Zimbabwe leaders in a letter saying, "I cannot, in good conscience, allow our relationship to continue when events in Zimbabwe have been violating the central principles of the Sister Cities tradition."
In a brief telephone interview, Zimbabwe President Jacobim Mugatu responded to Mallory's letter from a protected underground government bunker, "What is Cincinnati? I was unaware of any sister city. More importantly my country is collapsing under the weight of economic mismanagement resulting in 85% unemployment and hyperinflation. I must concern myself with ending the mass murders and systematic torture of my people. Perhaps then I can learn of this Cincinnati and Mr. Mallory." The interview ended abruptly as the sound of heavy gunfire was heard across the phone line. President Mugatu was not available for further comment.
- Osama Bin Laden under investigation for misreporting actual costs of terrorist operations
- Mayor Mallory in bitter battle to become Foursquare Mayor of City Hall
- U.N. Security Council deploys Charlie Sheen to consume all Syrian chemical weapons
- Meghan Kelly begins preparing debate questions for Kanye West
- Congress removes evidence of Cinco De Mayo party before immigration bill debate
- Cheneyís old heart buried in secret, secure location