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City council drafts plan to attract better looking hookers to Cincinnati

CINCINNATI - Calling it an essential element for building future growth and prosperity, City Council is putting special emphasis toward bringing more attractive prostitutes to Cincinnati. The bipartisan effort has support from city government and private sector groups.

“I think the prostitution sting we had downtown a few weeks back was the last straw,” explained Councilman Jeff Berding.  “Those mugshots were a black eye for the city...not an attractive hooker in the bunch.  In fact, the only one who looked even mildly cute had driven down from Butler County.  It’s not surprising no one wants to hold a convention here. Not even a Newport Shriner would solicit those gals.”

The Chamber of Commerce is also on board with the plan.  In conjunction with local businesses, they’ve created a young prostitution networking group called H.O.H.O.H., an acronym for “Harnessing Our Hot Own Hookers”.

The city will set aside stimulus money for programs to mentor local young ladies who are considering a career in prostitution.  Efforts will also be put into recruiting attractive prostitutes from other cities in the region and nationwide.  HO spokesman Tricia Lockwood said that this is an important element, “We want attractive young ladies from Chillicothe or Eaton or Richmond, Indiana who are considering a careers in hooking to realize everything Cincinnati has to offer.  We need to reach out to them before they make their way to Chicago or New York.”

“This plan is important for city growth in so many ways,” said Mayor Mallory.  “In fact, it fits into existing plans to revitalize Vine Street, to bring young professionals to town, and even to build light rail.  Think about how much more fun that train ride would be with a couple of scantily clad professional ladies on board.”

The final votes for funding will happen later this month, after several council members gather for a fact finding tour in Las Vegas.