Suicide Bomber convention lasts 1.6 seconds
GAZA - Organizers of this year's Global Suicide Bomber Convention in Gaza say the event was a huge success. Every year the event attracts highly ranked suicide bombers from all over the world to share experiences and exchange ideas about their hazardous trade. This year the entire convention lasted an estimated 1.6 seconds which is a remarkable 16% improvement over last year's event which ended in 1.9 seconds. This short-lived nature of the convention is due to the many highly skilled attendees eager to demonstrate their abilies to their colleagues.
Al Jazeera News reported this year's convention is encouraging especially in comparison to the tragic 2006 convention when a rogue suicide bomber selfishly attacked the convention prior to the official kickoff. A spokesman for the 2006 convention said, "This cowardly attack resulted in the unnecessary loss of so many dedicated suicide bombers who were robbed of the opportunity to display their dedication."
Insiders say the 1.6 second duration of the convention is an estimate because the precise timing documentation was lost when the convention's official timekeeper was blown up during the initial blast. Other observers situated a safe distance from the convention's ground zero provided the 1.6 second estimate.
Organizers say because it is difficult to decide who to credit with the first explosion, convention planner Mohammed Massoui believes he has narrowed it down to the top five and plans to submit each name to the Suicide Bomber Hall of Fame in Kandahar, Afganistan. Massoui commented, "To have the remnants of your bomb vest retired and hanging on the cave wall with some of those legendary bombers in Kandahar is the highest honor of our trade. Unfortunately, we are forced to use duplicate bomb vests because the Americans insist on destroying every Hall of Fame we build."
- Government Shutdown Month to be new annual federal holiday
- Bush family gardener appointed Secretary of Agriculture.
- Bitter over lack of endorsement bonanza, Olympic Curling champion switches to bowling.
- Obama to use Nobel Peace Prize money to fund Afghanistan troop increases
- John Kerry's family tree offers reason for long face.
- Charlie Luken switches to Hennessy.