Victory in Iraq - Bush officials reports finding stockpiles of illegally removed Iraqi mattress tags.
Baghdad - Confiscating what is possibly the last remnants of Saddam's evil regime, the Fourth Marines Infantry Division has seized control of several Iraqi warehouses containing thousands of mattress tags illegally removed by the former regime. “This is a victory for all American’s in the war against terrorism.”, Commented Vice President Dick Cheney, "The evil regime has perpetrated this cruelty on the Iraqi people for years and there is no doubt this type of activity would have eventually come to US soil.
- Suspects found David Pepper's abduction not only profitable but also informative.
- Governor Taft petitions court to suppress embarrassing golf scores.
- Mayor Mallory still uses Undercover Boss dreadlocks wig at least once a week
- Obama offers to trade Geraldo Rivera for jailed American reporters in North Korea
- Mayor Mallory thrilled to begin wearing dreadlocks wig indefinitely
- Bitter over lack of endorsement bonanza, Olympic Curling champion switches to bowling.