John Kerry's family tree offers reason for long face.
Recently discovered public records of John Kerry's family history help unravel the mystery of the candidate's incredible facial length. The family tree shows John Kerry's mother was Mr. Ed, the loveable and long-faced 70's TV character. Responding to public interest in this personal fact, Kerry said, "You may have known her as Mr. Ed but I knew her as Mommy. She was indeed a wonderful Mother who blessed me with much more than just a very long face."
- Suicide Bomber convention lasts 1.6 seconds
- Barney Frank unable to concentrate during Brad Pitt visit to Capitol Hill
- Osama Bin Laden under investigation for misreporting actual costs of terrorist operations
- Sarah Palin entertains family with mean-spirited Tina Fey impersonation
- Joe Biden suspected of sending nude texts of self to Michelle Bachmann
- City offers Mayor Mallory streetcar tokens in lieu of car allowance