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Chelsea Clinton’s bridesmaids report mysterious dress stains

RHINEBECK, NY - Though the rest of the day was described as elegant and flawless, the bad news from Chelsea Clinton’s wedding is a complaint from her bridesmaids of unidentifiable stains on their dresses.

It has yet to be determined when the dresses were stained. It wasn’t until the bridesmaids had finished performing a dance routine to Beyonce’s “Single Ladies” that someone noticed every dress was marked. 

The cause is not known, but each of the stains appears to have been created by the same substance.  The stains vary in size proportionally to the size of the bust measurement of the dress on which it appears.

After examining each dress, Secretary of State, Hillary Clinton said she had never seen that substance before.  She also added, “Whatever it is, I believe it is part of a vast right-wing conspiracy.”

Reportedly when Chelsea Clinton asked her father if he is aware of what may have happened to the dresses, he responded, “That depends on what the definition of ‘is’ is.”

Former President Clinton said he would make sure the bridesmaids were compensated for the dresses.  “Each bridesmaid should to stop by my office with her dress so we get rid of the evidence, I mean stain.”  Clinton said.  “I can rub on them to see if I can get it out.  If all else fails, I know a great laundry guy in Chinatown who has helped me with a few situations like this in the past.”