our breathtaking newsletter

Weekly gloriousness sent to your inbox.

Drop your email address here»

Featured Local Event         full calendar»

Thursday, July 11th - 3:00 PM-9:30 PM

TEDxCincinnati Main Stage Event 2015: Accelerate @ Cincinnati Masonic Center

DERF Happy Hour

Keep checking back here to find out where the next DERF Happy Hour will be!

politics News
  • Comments
  • politics home
  • Related Stories
  • Email To Friend

David Patraeus calls ‘Call of Duty’ military sex scandal module very realistic

WASHINGTON, DC – Following his recent resignation as CIA Director, David Patraeus has spent many hours exploring the new release of ‘Call of Duty’ which includes a detailed simulation of a senior level sex scandal. 

After reaching the highest levels of the game Patraeus said, “These developers got it right.  When I get to the sex scandal level I feel like I am reliving my own life.  It’s almost like they had to follow me around for the last couple years to learn all my high level moves.  How a bunch of computer nerds could know this much about marital betrayal is beyond me.”

Tiger Woods has made similarly positive comments about the sex scandal level recently built into the popular Tiger Woods EA Sports PGA Golf video game.  Woods commented, “EA Sports approached the sex scandal module with total professionalism.  Very realistic.  They found nuances of seduction even I could learn from.  It’s a great training ground even for an accomplished philanderer.” 

The ‘Call of Duty’ development team explained on the blog area of it’s website that the simulated sex sandal brings another level of reality to gaming.  “We found inspiration in the actions of former New York Governor Elliot Spitzer and former president Bill Clinton.  It was very difficult for highly intelligent code developers to mimic such low level stupidity and carelessness but with enough discipline our developers learned to think like morons. “

Patraeus said he plans to continue playing ‘Call of Duty’ as long as his wife allows him.  “My wife keeps asking me why I’m suddenly so obsessed with ‘Call of Duty’.  I tell her I love the military strategy.   For now the sex scandal module should probably remain my little secret.  I especially don’t want her to see the female character that looks surprisingly like Paula Broadwell.“