Government Shutdown Month to be new annual federal holiday
WASHINGTON, DC - Federal officials have decided that the government shutdown is an event that will continue to be celebrated for years to come. Effective immediately, the month of October will now be the newest official federal holiday, “Government Shutdown Month.”
“October is a slow month for federal holidays anyway,” said Speaker of the House John Boehner. “The one federal holiday we have in October is Columbus Day, and most people don’t care about Columbus anyway. In fact, many people get upset that we celebrate him after what he did to the Indians. As a man with a serious reddish tint to my skin, I tend to agree.”
“I’m glad something good can come from this shutdown,” said Congressional Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi. “Finally Republicans and Democrats can come together and agree on something. And that something is that we need to just go ahead and shutter up the government for an entire month of the year. I’d also like to point out that I and my fellow Democrats are the ones responsible for this bipartisan effort. Unless people don’t like it. In which case I’d like to point out that it’s all the Republican’s fault.”
When asked if shutting down the government for an entire month every year could have a disastrous impact on the country, the White House responded that they did not think so. “What’s the worst that could happen?” asked Obama spokesman Troy Evander. “We’re mired in debt and completely dysfunctional as it is. And, by the way, President Obama would have answered this question himself, but won’t be in to work today because he is a non-essential employee.”
- Secondhand smoke cloud migrates from Cincinnati to Kentucky.
- Victory in Iraq - Bush officials reports finding stockpiles of illegally removed Iraqi mattress tags.
- Iranian Officials: Violent protests are actually joyous celebrations
- Romney clarifies statement, 'Let the Detroit Tigers go bankrupt'
- City council drafts plan to attract better looking hookers to Cincinnati
- John Kerry's family tree offers reason for long face.