Kings Island offers Mayor Mallory free lifetime bumper car rides

MASON, OH - In response to the controversy over Mayor Mark Mallory’s car allowance, area amusement park Kings Island has offered the mayor a free lifetime pass for the park’s bumper cars.

“We’ll be sending Mayor Mallory the pass this week,” said Kings Island spokesman Katie Helkle. “They allow him free access to the bumper cars and also allow him a free pass to the front of the line. We are open to negotiation on allowing him free access to the log flume as well.”

Mayor Mallory was touched by the offer, but not sure if he would take advantage of it. “Kings Island is a wonderful asset to our region, and I understand operating a bumper car is easier than throwing a baseball so it should be safe option for me.” he said. “However, unless I can have access to a street legal bumper car, preferably with leather seats and room for my body guard, I’m not sure I will take them up on it.”

Kings Island officials were sure to note that Mayor Mallory would not be allowed special access to any of the park’s roller coasters. “It is widely known that Mark Mallory has a sensitive stomach,” said CEO David Van Horn. “We would not want to subject our guests to any undue regurgitation that may occur if he were to ride anything more hardcore than the bumper cars.”