Democrats demand to see birth certificate for Donald Trumpís hair
WASHINGTON, DC - As momentum grows for a possible White House run, increased scrutiny is being placed on Donald Trump’s hair, and specifically its origin. Upping the rhetoric, Democrats have now called for Donald Trump’s hair to produce a birth certificate for examination.
Constitutional scholars are uncertain what impact the hair’s birth certificate would have on a possible presidency. “Our founding fathers were not clear on this subject,” said historian Dennis Kerns. “Many of them had hair of unknown origin, though usually of the powdered wig rather than double comb-over variety.”
A representative for Donald Trump’s hair says that all questions will be answered in due time. “This is nothing more than a smear campaign,” said Donald Trump’s hair spokesman Ronald Cole. “Mr. Trump’s hair will not dignify these rumors and false allegations as to its origin by commenting on them in any way.”
Mr. Cole was referring to allegations made by a hard core fringe group of Democrats who have come to be known as the “Hairbirther movement.” Members of the movement have made many claims as to the origin of Trump’s hair, including that it is of foreign or extra-terrestrial origin. Others go further and allege that it is the product of a relationship involving bestiality.
“If Donald Trump’s hair has nothing to hide, then we urge it to produce a birth certificate,” said prominent Hairbirther Michelle Waxman. “Without actually seeing the paper in front of me, with my own eyes, I am only left to conclude that Donald Trump’s hair is indeed Belgian, marsupial, and at least slightly radioactive.”
- U.S. Unemployment office lays off 6,000 workers
- Venezuela, Nicaragua, and Bolivia offer asylum to George Zimmerman
- Chelsea Clintonís bridesmaids report mysterious dress stains
- Sarah Palin entertains family with mean-spirited Tina Fey impersonation
- Barney Frank unable to concentrate during Brad Pitt visit to Capitol Hill
- Second shoe thrower suspected behind grassy knoll