our breathtaking newsletter

Weekly gloriousness sent to your inbox.

Drop your email address here»

Featured Local Event         full calendar»

Tuesday, September 16th - 11:00 AM-11:00 PM

Taco Tuesdays @ Mt. Lookout Tavern (MLT's)

DERF Happy Hour

Keep checking back here to find out where the next DERF Happy Hour will be!

sports News
  • Comments
  • sports home
  • Related Stories
  • Email To Friend

Reds run toward mediocrity behind schedule

CINCINNATI, OH - The Cincinnati Reds have surprised fans with a delayed run toward mediocrity.


“It’s disappointing to see a Reds team start out so far behind a mediocre record,” said baseball analyst Peter Robinson. “Usually, their race to mediocrity tends to start very early in the season. Hopefully some medicrity will start happening while the spring is still beginning to bloom.”


Reds players attribute the slow pace toward mediocrity to a sense of destiny. “Everyone has worked moderately hard in the off-season,” explained the Reds mediocre manager Bryan Price. “Guys out there giving approximately fifty percent in the weight room. Showing up somewhere between thirty seconds early to three minutes late for practices. I’m somewhat averagely pleased with how things have come together.”


The team itself is not alone in their spirited quest for mediocrity. The City of Cincinnati has shown support by continuing its own mediocre existence. the fans of Cincinnati continue their middling support of their team, and the Cincinnati media continues their proud tradition of mediocre coverage of all the mediocrity.