Reds broadcaster Marty Brennaman vows to trim nose hair if Reds win pennant
CINCINNATI, OH – Following a successful hair-cutting promotion last week to benefit the Reds Community Fund, Hall of Fame broadcaster Marty Brennaman announced he will publicly undergo a full nasal trim if the Reds win the National League pennant.
“If I can help the Reds Community Fund with the promise of public nose hair removal, I am happy to do it.” said Brennaman. Reportedly, Brennaman’s barber of 23 years, Jeff Duckwall, has purchased a new premium quality nose hair trimmer in preparation for the big moment. During a press conference at his barber shop in White Oak, Duckwall displayed his new equipment, the Groom Mate Platinum XL Nose and Ear Hair Trimmer. “Ladies and gentleman this is the best inner-nostril follicular hair removal device money can buy. It has been a couple decades since we’ve trimmed that territory so we are likely to encounter some hearty turf and only the best equipment will do.“ Duckwall also thanked Charlie Sheen for pitching in to cover one-half of the $32 cost of the unit.
Brennaman said he has instructed Duckwall go deep. “I want full nostril penetration. We’re gonna give the fans what they want.”
Brennaman has declined to say what he is willing to do if the Reds win the World Series but insiders say a full body shave is not out of the question.
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by Sarah Leugers, DERF Sports Columnist