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Bengals continue strategy of not showing off on national TV

BALTIMORE, MD - “A lot of teams like to leave it all on the field in front of a big audience,” said head coach Marvin Lewis. “But that is obviously a flawed and ridiculous strategy. We go into big televised games with the intention of leaving just a little something on the field, and leaving a big old bunch of ourselves back in the locker room, back on the team plane, and even a load of ourselves back in our respective homes.  The guys executed the plan extremely well.”


The strategy worked out well for the Baltimore Ravens, who beat the Bengals by a score of 44-13. However, they did take notice of the Bengal’s lack of showing off. “Looks like Cincinnati is going to leave us all wondering,” said Raven’s head coach John Harbaugh. “Normally, when we meet teams for the second time in a season we have already seen them put forth a fantastic effort and we can prepare accordingly. We only know how to play the Bengals when they are bleeding on defense and hapless on offense, so we’re gonna be confused if we see their best effort next time. Or, more likely, we’re gonna have to figure out how to play when they’re even more pathetic than they were Monday night. Either way, it’s tough to prepare.”


Lewis insists that the under-the-radar approach is ultimately best for the team. “Big wins in front of national television audiences lead down the wrong path,” Coach Lewis explained. “People learn how to play against you at your best. The players hear national media describing them as good, and that can go to their heads. And, more fans start showing up and wanting to be around the team which ultimately can lead to arrests for assault, battery, and sexual imposition. So we’re just gonna keep playing lackluster football and then maybe we’ll be ready to show off by the time we make the Super Bowl.”


BALTIMORE, MD - The Cincinnati Bengals have kicked off the 2012 season using their decades old strategy of not performing well in front of a national television audience. Their season opening loss on Monday Night Football is being hailed as one of the most artfully unimpressive displays in recent franchise history.

“A lot of teams like to leave it all on the field in front of a big audience,” said head coach Marvin Lewis. “But that is obviously a flawed and ridiculous strategy. We go into big televised games with the intention of leaving just a little something on the field, and leaving a big old bunch of ourselves back in the locker room, back on the team plane, and even a load of ourselves back in our respective homes.”

The strategy worked out well for the Baltimore Ravens, who beat the Bengals by a score of 44-13. However, they did take notice of the Bengal’s lack of showing off. “Looks like Cincinnati is going to leave us all wondering,” said Raven’s head coach John Harbaugh. “Normally, when we meet teams for the second time in a season we have already seen them put forth a fantastic effort and we can prepare accordingly. We only know how to play the Bengals when they are bleeding on defense and hapless on offense, so we’re gonna be confused if we see their best effort next time. Or, more likely, we’re gonna have to figure out how to play when they’re even more pathetic than they were Monday night. Either way, it’s tough to prepare.”

Lewis insists that the under-the-radar approach is ultimately best for the team. “Big wins in front of national television audiences lead down the wrong path,” Coach Lewis explained. “People learn how to play against you at your best. The players hear national media describing them as good, and that can go to their heads. And, more fans start showing up and wanting to be around the team which ultimately can lead to arrests for assault, battery, and sexual imposition. So we’re just gonna keep playing lackluster football and then maybe we’ll be ready to show off by the time we make the Super Bowl.”BALTIMORE, MD - The Cincinnati Bengals have kicked off the 2012 season using their decades old strategy of not performing well in front of a national television audience. Their season opening loss on Monday Night Football is being hailed as one of the most artfully unimpressive displays in franchise history