Rash of burglaries during La Salle-Elder football game - homes vulnerable across entire west side.
Delhi — LaSalle and Elder high schools faced off in a gritty football match up under the lights on Friday evening, leaving every household on the west side of I-75 uninhabited. Elder grads and everyone who has ever known an Elder grad drenched themselves in purple, turned off all the lights, turned the heat down to 55 degrees, and made way down Glenway Avenue to cheer on “the best gosh darned team in the city—whoaa!!” After the game husky couple Steve and Sharon Schweikert, looking like the Grape Ape and Grimace respectively, returned to their ranch home to find it ransacked. LaSalle
supporters weren’t any luckier. Fake potted chrysanthemums upturned. Arby’s commemorative holiday glasses, gone. Precious Moments figurines, smashed to tiny bits. Sheriffs later recovered more than 100 concrete geese arranged in intimate positions in the parking lot of St. Theresa Little Flower church parking lot.
- Randy Moss demanded release from Vikings after inappropriate advances from Brett Favre
- Chris Henry offers to mentor Josh Hamilton
- Bronson Arroyo contracts mono after making out with self
- BenGals introduce new “anti-slut clause” in cheerleader contracts
- Andy Dalton asked to show ID for entrance to Andy Dalton Celebrity Waiter event
- Tim Tebow vows to cure Urban Meyer