Woman, 89, provides ball security training for Bengals
CINCINNATI - After 89-year-old Blue Ash resident Edna Jester was arrested this week for keeping a teenage neighbor's football, the Bengals organization hired her to provide ball security instruction. In hopes of improving the team's dismal 23rd place NFL turnover ranking, players watched intently as Mrs. Jester demonstrated the same iron grip that allowed her to avoid losing control of her neighbor's football for over 24 hours.
Coach Marvin Lewis introduced Mrs. Jester to the team saying, "You guys turn the ball over approximately twice every 60 minutes of playing time. Mrs. Jester kept the ball secure for over 24 hours without a single turnover." By the end of Coach Lewis' introduction, Mrs. Jester had fallen asleep on the training field so the team decided they would return when she woke up from her nap.
Later Mrs. Jester explained her techniques and told the team, "Sometimes my arthritis is an advantage because my hands get so stiff it hurts to let go. In this colder weather even the Celebrex doesn't help. But those cops knew they'd get the business end of my walking cane if they tried to take this ball away from me! You young fellas don't have arthritis but that's no excuse for droppin' that ball every time you get it. Hold on tighter!"
Toward the end of the ball security training Mrs. Jester mentioned she had been watching game film and had some defensive lessons to share as well. As the Bengals defensive squad gathered around Mrs. Jester, she demonstrated how the defensive secondary can use improved body position and peripheral vision to work better together as a cohesive unit. The squad practiced several defensive drills recommended by Mrs. Jester before she nodded off for a second nap before leaving the practice facility.
[Seriously: Speak out on the Derf Message Boards about this. How do you feel about this 89 year old woman being arrested and possibly fined $1,000 for this? Sad, amused, infuriated? Grab an account in 11 seconds and be heard.]
- CC Sabathia tired of being copied on everyone’s emails
- Charlie Sheen offers words of hope to Reds and Cincinnati prostitutes
- Cleveland plans parade for victorious Dallas Mavericks
- Bengals plans to lose in final minutes thwarted
- Elin Woods new spokesperson for Jaws of Life
- The Evolution of a Cheater