Tabloid discovers woman who did not have affair with Tiger Woods
FLINT, MICHIGAN - After an intensive search, a leading tabloid has discovered a woman who has never engaged in sexual activity with Tiger Woods. The National Examiner is prepared to go to print with the shocking allegations in its next edition.
Flint resident Susanna Watson claims that she has never spent any amount of time engaged in sexual activity with Tiger, and that he never propositioned her to do so. “This is not an easy time for me,” explained Ms. Watson. “But I just had to come forward and tell my story.”
The 32 year old blonde fits the profile of a woman Tiger would date. She has experience as an escort and has appeared in several porn films in the Flint area. However she has no definitive explanation for the lack of an affair. “I’ve had relationships with about a dozen men this year, half of them married. But not Tiger.”
National Examiner officials say before publishing the story they confirmed Ms. Watson’s claims after verifying a consistent pattern of no text or email communication between her and the golf legend. “It appears they have actually never been in contact with each other.” said Reporter, Brent Seligman.
Although Ms. Watson never engaged in an affair with Mr. Woods, she does not rule it out as a possibility in the future. “I guess anything is possible. He’ll probably get a divorce and then start dating gain after getting remarried.”
- Post-victory couch burning alleviates Lexington bed bug crisis
- In alternate universe Steeler fans celebrate Superbowl victory with quiet dignity
- Cincinnati fans help Ochocinco pack bags for New England
- Robbie Knievel injured on teacup ride after setting jump record
- Richie Incognito places inspirational phone call to US Olympic Ice Dancing team
- Bengals fans begin conditioning for heartbreaking disappointments