Manning-tron 3000 processor encounters critical failure during Super Bowl
MIAMI, FL - Despite promises that new updates would make the Manning-tron 3000 football robot better than ever, a Microsoft update performed just before Super Bowl 44 left the Manning-tron 3000 unable to perform at a championship level.
“We were convinced that this was going to be a clean install.” explained Microsoft software developer Nick Yang. “But there appeared to be a bug that sub-optimized the system’s effectiveness and caused several catastrophic football errors.” Several attempts to reboot the system during time outs did not help Manning-tron 3000 sustain a winning drive.
Technicians may have found a contributing factor for the Manning-tron 3000 declining performance after half-time. Because the system is accustomed to experiencing only excellence on the football field, technicians say Manning-tron 3000 found it very difficult to process the exceptionally poor quality half-time musical performance by The Who.
The Manning-tron 3000 was developed as a partnership between the Indianapolis Colts and Microsoft in 1998 and secretly replaced the organic brain of University of Tennessee quarterback Peyton Manning. His father, former NFL quarterback Archie Manning authorized the procedure. Archie commented on the conversion saying, “Even though he’s just a cyborg, Manning-tron 3000 is still my favorite kid. He has a motherboard only a father could love. I hope we can make Eli a cyborg sometime soon. It would bring our family closer together.”
Colts executives have not ruled out the possibility that the New Orleans Saints hired a hacker to embed a malicious virus set to activate during the Super Bowl within the Manning-tron 3000. The Saints organization denied the allegations and commented, “Those types of failures are similar to many of the everyday malfunctions we see with our office computers and laptops that run on Windows 7, XP, and Vista.”
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by Sarah Leugers, DERF Sports Columnist
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