Ben Roethlisberger considers off season restroom attendant job
PITTSBURGH, PA - Bars and nightclubs in the Pittsburgh area and around the country have reported receiving Ben Roethlisberger’s resume as he seeks a position as a restroom attendant. The Steeler’s quarterback released a statement via his agent saying that he is looking forward to considering any offers for employment.
The NFL has not taken a position on Roethlisberger’s off season job search, although they did issue a stern warning to Pacman Jones upon hearing that he was looking for a job as a strip club bouncer in 2008. Jones decided not to take the position after being told he would not be allowed to drink on the job.
When reached for comment, Roethlisberger stated, “In light of my recent troubles, I thought it would be a good opportunity to do some community service to make up for embarrassing the Steelers and the NFL. What better way to humble myself and work with the community than to work in public restrooms.”
When asked if he knew what the job would entail, Ben responded, “I understand I would be handing out paper towels, restocking soap, that kind of thing. And since I’ve applied to a lot of college bars, I assume I’ll need to occasionally help some drunk young ladies find their way after I’ve loaded them up with shots.”
- Jesus drops Tim Tebow from fantasy team
- Rash of burglaries during La Salle-Elder football game - homes vulnerable across entire west side.
- King James decides to split self into six equal parts
- Nation caught in grip of looming WNBA strike.
- "El Chapo" Guzman to pitch in MLB All-Star Game
- Jay Bruce's Golden Glove found in dumpster behind stadium