Ben Roethlisberger considers off season restroom attendant job
PITTSBURGH, PA - Bars and nightclubs in the Pittsburgh area and around the country have reported receiving Ben Roethlisberger’s resume as he seeks a position as a restroom attendant. The Steeler’s quarterback released a statement via his agent saying that he is looking forward to considering any offers for employment.
The NFL has not taken a position on Roethlisberger’s off season job search, although they did issue a stern warning to Pacman Jones upon hearing that he was looking for a job as a strip club bouncer in 2008. Jones decided not to take the position after being told he would not be allowed to drink on the job.
When reached for comment, Roethlisberger stated, “In light of my recent troubles, I thought it would be a good opportunity to do some community service to make up for embarrassing the Steelers and the NFL. What better way to humble myself and work with the community than to work in public restrooms.”
When asked if he knew what the job would entail, Ben responded, “I understand I would be handing out paper towels, restocking soap, that kind of thing. And since I’ve applied to a lot of college bars, I assume I’ll need to occasionally help some drunk young ladies find their way after I’ve loaded them up with shots.”
- Bengals mathematically eliminated from 2010, 2011, 2012 playoffs
- Michael Phelps studied Rosetta Stone three hours per day in preparation for London Olympics
- Joey Votto accepts air traffic controller position
- Undefeated Bengals demand immediate possession of Super Bowl Rings
- Daytona 500 to feature first car sponsored by meth lab
- 1972 Dolphins relieved by Bengals loss