Outraged NASCAR Fans Discover Jeff Gordon Only Pretending to Be a Hillbilly
In an unusual interview with Racing Weekly, Harvard graduate Jeff Gordon with a hillbilly accent for over two minutes. The confused reporter pressed the issue and Gordon finally dropped a bombshell saying, "Ok, Iím not really a hillbilly. I was born and raised in Maryland. You canít get any less hillbilly than that." After graduating from business school, Gordon decided to pursue a career in NASCAR and knew he could realize more lucrative returns by mimicking his hillbilly NASCAR fan base. "I did whatever it took from carrying Kodiak chew in my pocket to watching fishing shows on TV." Even though most of his fans are mildly retarded, Gordon stated he still regrets misleading them.
- Daytona 500 to feature first car sponsored by meth lab
- Cooper Manning passed over again in NFL draft
- Carson Palmer demanded trade at half time of Bengals game
- MLB's Mitchell Report urges Reds to use steroids
- Jim Bowden overheard comparing other mundane annoyances to tragic world events
- Chad Ochocinco hoped to read own book during bye week