Entire Colombian soccer team made of cocaine
JOHANNESBURG, SOUTH AFRICA – As the Colombian soccer team attempted to depart from the World Cup festivities in South Africa this week, drug sniffing dogs alerted authorities to the presence of drugs. After detaining and searching the team, authorities eventually discovered all team members were actually high tech robotic devices completely encased in cocaine.
Dubbed by South African media as the ‘Cocaine 11’, the team was bound for the U.S. under the guise of a publicity tour where it is alleged the outer cocaine shells were likely to be removed for prepared for distribution.
Colombian Soccer Coach Jorge Sanchez Gutierrez publicly stated he had no knowledge the team was made of cocaine. “If I had known these players were cocaine covered robots, I would not have agreed to coach this team. When I saw the police removing the cocaine shells revealing only circuit boards and mechanical parts, I was truly shocked.”
Authorities believe this is the most high-tech drug smuggling operation ever discovered. Johannesburg Chief of Police, Steven Van Der Link said, “These cocaine bots fooled the entire world on the soccer field. They coordinated a wonderfully aggressive offence and a gutsy defense. Each team member appeared highly trained and well conditioned. ”
- Irate Reds fans call for next manager to be fired
- University of Cincinnati Basketball Coach Bob Huggins strikes recruiting agreement with Ohio's prison system.
- Tim Tebow scolds concussion into turning life around and doing more volunteer work
- Andy Dalton asked to show ID for entrance to Andy Dalton Celebrity Waiter event
- Bob Huggins ups his pimp game.
- Mike Leake unable to locate Motherís Day gift receipt