Entire Colombian soccer team made of cocaine
JOHANNESBURG, SOUTH AFRICA – As the Colombian soccer team attempted to depart from the World Cup festivities in South Africa this week, drug sniffing dogs alerted authorities to the presence of drugs. After detaining and searching the team, authorities eventually discovered all team members were actually high tech robotic devices completely encased in cocaine.
Dubbed by South African media as the ‘Cocaine 11’, the team was bound for the U.S. under the guise of a publicity tour where it is alleged the outer cocaine shells were likely to be removed for prepared for distribution.
Colombian Soccer Coach Jorge Sanchez Gutierrez publicly stated he had no knowledge the team was made of cocaine. “If I had known these players were cocaine covered robots, I would not have agreed to coach this team. When I saw the police removing the cocaine shells revealing only circuit boards and mechanical parts, I was truly shocked.”
Authorities believe this is the most high-tech drug smuggling operation ever discovered. Johannesburg Chief of Police, Steven Van Der Link said, “These cocaine bots fooled the entire world on the soccer field. They coordinated a wonderfully aggressive offence and a gutsy defense. Each team member appeared highly trained and well conditioned. ”
- Outraged NASCAR Fans Discover Jeff Gordon Only Pretending to Be a Hillbilly
- Charlie Sheen offers words of hope to Reds and Cincinnati prostitutes
- University of Cincinnati Basketball Coach Bob Huggins strikes recruiting agreement with Ohio's prison system.
- Pittsburgh Steelers fans selling tickets, terrible towels, dignity on StubHub
- Cam Newton storms out of press conference after losing New Hampshire primary
- Bengals promise to sign all draft picks before losing first round playoff game